How Low Can You Go? Sengoku BASARA Mix
by Runawynd
Summary: Misleading fanficlets; all of which contain the lovely male characters of Sengoku Basara. Can you guess what's REALLY happening before the ending spells it out? WARNING HINTS OF BOYS LOVE
1. Incident 1

__Here's the fun part: you have to guess what's REALLY happening, before the end spells it out for you. (Though, I'm pretty sure you can do so; it's not all that cryptic...)__

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><p>"Hey, Kojuro. I have an idea. How about we… <em>you know<em>…" Sporting a full, crooked smirk, Masamune Date leaned in to whisper a promising delectation into his retainer's ear.

Taken aback by the sudden request, the taller man's face became twisted with confusion. In the awkwardness of the moment, Kojuro then had difficulty speaking without displaying such said feelings, "Sir, such a request seems-"

"Mutual? Rhetorical? Not needing an answer?" Quickly and quite needlessly, Masamune intercepted - his confidence unwavering.

"-Indecent. To commence something like that at random… Tonight just wouldn't seem-"

"What, seriously? C'mon! There's a beautiful moon out tonight, the air feels fresh after all that rain we had…" The younger, more enthusiastic man dramatically continued down his ever-going list, "I could probably grab us some sake, too…"

From his comfortable sitting position, Kojuro watched his master stand tall before him. He listened to his ramblings only but for a moment, before again attempting to knock sense into Masamune's head. With a shake of his head, he ventured, "Lord Masamu-"

However, the hesitating man was interrupted a third time that night by an abrupt action from the other. Adventurous hands circled around the grooves in Kojuro's back, wandering around his tensed muscles…

Such an unceremonious act caused Kojuro's arms to force his master away – a rare feat coming from the loyal vassal.

Predictably, Masamune Date threw a huffie towards his steadfast partner, "Aw, not fair, Kojuro. You always get to do this for me, and I want to-"

"Lord Masamune, as your mere vassal, I feel it unlawful to do such things with my Lord…" Despite his words, he felt ready to compromise, nonetheless. "Unless you first grant me _permission_, then-"

With feline-like grace, the leader of Oshu took a quick seat behind his Right Eye, reached around his broad shoulders, and dipped his head closer to his ears, expressing, "Screw permissions for tonight, all right?"

"…As you wish."

"Good boy." Masamune then worked his magic.

Of course, this was Masamune's idea to begin with. At first, Kojuro thought for a moment how foolish such a thing seemed; that his master should tend to him – a mere servant - in such a manner. But all his doubts melted as a warm pleasure enveloped him.

Surely, he should not deny himself the luxury. If his master was willing to provide, then why should he reject?

After all, working in the farmland is very tiring. And there's nothing wrong with treating yourself to a nice backrub, every once and a while.

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><p><em>More chapters to come, darlings! Hope you've enjoyed!<em>


	2. Incident 2

"Sasuke! Hurry! I'm ready now!" The cub of Takeda shouted to his partner, who shushed him in a calm response.

"Ssh! You'll need to calm down first, My Lord." Ever-diligent, Sasuke attempted to steady Yukimura with his hand, gently pressing into his naked shoulder. "Your body isn't quite used to it yet."

As the ninja's fingers maintained a grip on Yukimura's collar bone, the younger man let out a soft whine. "But I'm _ready now_."

"Highly doubt it. Take a quick look at yourself." As Sasuke pointed, Yukimura's eyes followed. "Relax your body first, then we'll try again."

Appreciative of advice from the experienced, the boy took a slow breath. All stress and tenseness eased away from his body.

Upon seeing Yukimura's determination, Sasuke couldn't help but smile a bit. _He's coming along. That's good. This time should definitely prove to be more fruitful than the last._

Yukimura assumes the position with a new-found spirit. "Ready."

"All righty then…" Assisting him the best he was able, the eager ninja aided in the raising and lowering. At the first few thrusts, he felt his partner was strong and focused.

However, it only took a matter of minutes before he sensed Yukimura's strength fading. Sasuke let out an understanding sigh, as he ceased for his trembling partner.

"N-no, wait, Sasuke! You said you'd help me become a man! If I can't even do this, how am I supposed to… I _can_…"

"This requires a lot of patience, My Lord. Perhaps we should call it quits for the evening."

"But I want muscles like Ieyasu's! Right now!" Burning like a wildfire, yet shaking like a leaf, Yukimura stood from his trial of exercises.

Sasuke chose to say nothing, but instead retreated to fetch his master a towel – to wash that sweaty body of his. _Maybe that 100lb weight lifting (on top of 150 pushups and situps) was too much…_

_Personally, I think your build is just fine the way it is…_


	3. Incident 3

"Hard or soft?" Keiji asked.

"Soft." Mitsunari replied.

"Fast or slow?"

"Fa- Slow."

"Hot or cold?"

"Cold."

"Cold? Okay…" The ever-curious Keiji had all-too-much fun questioning his acquaintance regarding a life of romance.

By being asked simple questions, Mitsunari would give Keiji a mere glimpse of a result – essentially _who_ his secret lover would be. For Mitsunari refused to say, and Keiji had to play some guessing games.

In the end, he would pin down what kind of person that best suited his interests. Of course, the answer would remain a secret, until the very end…

"Pain or pleasure, Mitsunari? Oh, wait, I think I know your answer to that one. Er, love or hate?"

Unintentionally, the purple-clad man paused. _Why should such a question be difficult for me?_

In that one second of hesitation, Keiji took it upon himself to answer the question in his stead. The tall man grinned towards the other, "I'll give _my_ answer, since you can't make up your mind."

Mitsunari's voice grew desperate - rising with tension - and he shouted, "No, wait! I just wasn't ready! Go back!"

"Let's see who you got… Oh. Ieyasu. Wow," Keiji sat back in his cozy office seat, to absorb the material brought ot his attention. "_That's_ the results of this compatibility personality quiz?" He added with another grin towards the (now mysteriously blushing) general of Toyotomi.

"Redo that!" The confounded Mitsunari spat, pointing accusingly at the computer monitor. "I want to change my answer to that last question!"

"Okay, okay… Geez laweez, it's _only_ a personality quiz. You know what they say, 'this stuff shouldn't be taken seriously,' you know."

A pause while Keiji clicked the back button to re-do the unwanted results.

"...Whoever wrote the end-" The clearly upset user complained distinctively, adding with quick venom, "No, whoever wrote this _entire fanfiction_ should suffer a _slow _and_ painful_ death…"

"You know," Keiji sat, arms crossed and grin still intact, and commented, "The way you said it just sounded really kinky."

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><p><em>I don't know why, but I can TOTALLY picture Keiji doing personality quizzes. For hours on end. Just because that seems like a Keiji thing to do. And he'd probably drag his friends into it, too, I think.<em>


	4. Incident 4

"I can't believe you'd… with _him_." Motochika lamented, pacing dramatically around the room. "Am I no longer good enough? You'd rather do it with him?"

"My friend," Attempting a peaceful resolve, Ieyasu Tokugawa offered his guidance, "Please calm yourself! It's not what you think it is, and if you'd just _listen_ to reason…!"

"How many times has this happened before? And behind my back like this! It's-"

With a defeated sigh, the golden-clad man slumped deeper in his seat, face resting in his knitted fingers. "It's not what you think… It's just that… It had been so long since he asked, so I-"

"Said yes? Have you no backbone, man?" Motochika spat coldly towards his former ally, who merely looked upon him with a soulful stare of questioning.

"Motochika, I-"

"If you wanted out, you could've just said so in the first place. Rather than lie to me like this. I once trusted you, with my everything. I'd 've given it to you, heart and soul. But now…" Abruptly, the tall pirate turned, heading for the inn's doorway. "Our partnership is… well, it's been reduced to nothing. It's time to end this."

Ieyasu said nothing. Perhaps because he was aware that he had already lost the battle. That perhaps, his dear friend, Motochika, would – in time - find out about the choice he made. About that other man; that "player two" of his.

With one last dramatic pause, the saddened Motochika placed a hand over the doorknob, and enunciated, woefully, "Our yahtzee partnership is over."

_Slam._

Exhausted, Ieyasu sighed, rubbed his fingers through his hair, before taking leave of the game table. "Give him a week to… _recover_… and he'll play with me again."

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><p><em>Poor Chosokabe! Ha ha! I had lots of fun messing with him in this one!<br>_


	5. Incident 5

_Finally. He's quiet._ Kojuro sighed triumphantly, that relieved smile formed as he witnessed the ensuing fruition. _After all that whining, I just had to cave in. _

His Lord, Masamune, had finally gone quiet. How can you mute the Dragon of Oshu? Kojuro knew the answer.

_I know it's disgraceful to watch him like that, but I can't help but look…_ That charismatic face twisted in near-delight or near-disgust, Kojuro couldn't quite tell. Masamune did not look up from his job; he intended to finish without distraction.

From sitting position, the Dragon's Right Eye used dodging looks to observe his Lord. After all, judging by his master's rare state, he didn't want to appear rude, and he certainly didn't want to appear nosy.

It was oddly delightful - such a guilty sensation. Masamune's mouth wrapped perfectly around it, struggling. If Kojuro kept his eyes on him long enough, he could see teeth nibbling. He could see his tongue worming around it.

_He's quiet at last… but he's not even stopping to take a breath. I have to say something, I suppose… _"My Lord, slow down there."

Minutes passed before Masamune, at last, spat it back onto his plate. _Disgusting._ The disturbed other thought, observing his Lord's immature table manners.

"I can't chew that piece of meat anymore!" Kojuro watched in a momentary silence, as Masamune stood from the table, picked up that half-chewed piece of meat with a napkin, and tossed it away in the garbage.

_At least it was silent for about three minutes… I should consider myself lucky._

Masamune returned to the table, shoving his half-finished plate towards the taller man, whining, "YOU finish the rest, 'cuz I can't!"

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><p><em>Sorry about that one. I couldn't help myself. But by the way, can you tell what my favorite Sengoku pairing is? Hee hee!<em>


	6. Incident 6

"Whoa, imagine finding _you_ here!" The entertained Motochika shouted in delight, his voice raised to the ceiling for all to hear. "How much for you?"

Literally backing himself in a corner, Mitsunari chose to ignore the rambunctious fool.

His hopeful thinking was crushed, however, as Motochika approached him face-to-face. "Don't ignore me. I see you! Now how much will you cost?"

In low tones, Mitsunari expressed his disinterest, "I'm on break. Can't talk."

Whether or not their conversation would continue was up to his boss, who shouted down the hall, "Ishida-kun! Is that tone of voice being used towards a CUSTOMER? Again?"

An agitated sigh. A turn towards his new-found customer. Mitsunari continued with his services, by leading the man into a private room. There, he would serve the pirate some tea, provide entertainment, and _then some_.

Upon pouring the tea (Mitsunari, in fact, is an expert at the tea ceremony), he would have preferred silence. However, a nagging question beckoned attention, and the yukata-clad man was forced to ask, "Anyway, what brings you here, Motochika?"

Gratefully accepting the hot beverage, the hearty pirate took a quick swig, then spoke, "Gotta get my fix somewhere, right? You're a man, you'll agree with me, no doubt?"

"Actually, it's somewhat unusual for me to have a man in my room."

"Really?" Motochika asked in genuine interest. "And are you busy here?"

"Very. Yes."

"And what about… _other_ stuff? I mean, I have you all to myself tonight, and there's a _special service_ I'd like from you…" The pirate man enunciated with care, a grin overtaking his face. "I'm paying good money for you, after all."

Such words seemed to have provoked Mitsunari, who couldn't help but turn his face in disgust. He knew his duties while working there; provide entertainment and keep the client happy. No matter how dirty the job.

However, despite this oath, he declined the request, mustering, "This is merely a _host club_. You want that kind of action, go to the red light district."

A shocked and puzzled look fixed onto Motochika's face, who calmly expressed, "I was thinking a neck massage. What was on your mind?"

"…Would you like some more tea?"

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><p><em>Oops, got you, Mitsunari! He's like, "Oh... dang... What WAS I thinking?" Ha ha!<br>_


	7. Incident 7

"Ergh! Not so fast, Sasuke!"

"How _else_ am I going to get it out, then?"

As much as young Yukimura tried, he could not ignore the hot, sticky substance running down and between his legs. He felt uncomfortable, tired, and he wanted to stop.

Sasuke - on the other hand - noticing that the job was still incomplete, had intended full satisfaction. "Wasn't it you that wanted this done in the first place? Just… suck it up for now, okay, General?"

_Sniff. Sniff._ "Fine… Okay…"

"Good. Now. I'm going to try again. One, two-"

Such a quick, stinging motion was almost too much for Yukimura to bear. He had done well to start with, but after suffering for so long, his exhausted body couldn't help but give a jolt. "Argh!"

"I told you, don't move." With the towel at his disposal, the calm ninja gently rubbed at Yukimura's softer skin, carefully removing the unwanted. "It'll be easier and faster if you loosen up, you know."

"But it hurts. You're probably going to have to tie me down to this table, or something, 'cuz I can't-"

All oncoming complaints ceased, when Sasuke put a firm hand on the other's knee. As if dealing with a stubborn child, he stopped and looked Yukimura (who had gone red in the face _long_ ago) straight in the eyes.

The ninja then raised his tone, enunciating, "Yes, you can. We're almost done. Just a few more, and I should be able to…"

_Rip!_

"Ahh!"

"Done."

"You didn't warn me that time!"

"But you're all done. Look! Hair all gone! Sasuke's Brazillion Wax job is complete!"

A quick glance downwards. A sigh – accompanied with a smile - of relief. A body sunk into the table. Yukimura had no will to move yet. "…Oh yeah. Much better."

Sasuke, then, was again left to clean-up duty. "Maybe if you wore undies, you wouldn't be so self-conscious about… things growing down there."


	8. Incident 8

"I refuse." Motonari stated plainly, void of concern for the others' needs.

"C'mon. It's not like it's anything new for you, Motonari." The pirate Motochika took another lap around the room, walking the slow strut, before stopping to look the other in the eyes. "You've done it for Yoshitsugu before, right?"

Clearly shocked, the Man of the Sun did a horrible job hiding his genuine surprise. "How did you-?"

"He told me. All about it. Every detail. The guy likes to talk, you know. And I got him talking…" A triumphant smirk was worn by the Captain.

"..."

"Feel as if you've been double-crossed? Squandered?"

"Simply annoyed. What I choose to do in my free time is none of your concern."

"Just _once_?"

"Never."

_The image of stubbornness, that one..._ "Hah. Fine." With the grace that only a pirate could muster, Motochika turned. "Well, whatever. It's only a dance, anyway."

It was when the man had vanished from his side, that Motonari began feeling regretful. Like how, if one loses something, they then realize its former significance. An opportunity, wasted. "…Why do I feel squandered?"

Perhaps the man really _did_ want to perform his Sun Dance again. But no; maybe - more than that - he simply enjoyed the arguing and begging.


	9. Incident 9

_A confession was made by young, **gorgeous** Masamune Date. His chief retainer, Kojuro – stunned by the abruptness of the situation – professionally declined._

_Though he was beginning to feel his heart shatter, Masamune's stubborn will did not falter. With **talented** hands, he caressed Kojuro's shoulders, attempting to explore to his face. Vows that were formerly kept secret began spilling forth, "I want you to stay with me forever. I love you."_

_Predictably, the other man disapproved, and he forced the younger, **desirable** samurai away, finalizing stoically, "I am only your vassal. Your parents and your country all expect more of you."_

_Time passed. People changed - as well as certain relationships between them. As Masamune Date learned to become a man, Katakura Kojuro learned to become a lover._

_On one particular afternoon, their passion was inadvertently found out by other clansmen, who reported it to Masamune's parents, Terumune and Yoshihime. "It's Lord Masamune and Lord Kojuro… they've been spotted in the gardens out back… They're kissing…" This news was deemed bitterly unfavorable by both parents; however most dangerously, by Masamune's **evil**,** abusive** mother._

_After harsh abuse from Yoshihime (the upset mother), the **good-looking** Masamune determined to be more reserved with his feelings towards Kojuro around the other members of Oushuu. And thus, the romance of the **attractive** Masamune and Kojuro came to a short stand-still, until the next passing months.  
><em>

_The time came – once again - for the two samurai to venture together. During that given time, Kojuro and Masamune took full advantage of their privacy together, by spending the night in Kojuro's cot; getting dressed in yukata, drinking sake, and talking amongst themselves. _

_The night started casual. But an unspoken tension began rising in the room, leaving their playful banter behind. Talk of togetherness ensued._

"_With your chief retainer is bad enough a crime, but with a male… I suppose it's no wonder your mother reacted the way she did." Kojuro spoke with precision. "You know they expect childbirth."_

_For a moment, the **hip**, **cool**, and **charismatic** Masamune said nothing; his one good eye pressed out at the stars beyond the window. _

_Perhaps, the tactician noticed a rare haze in that eye - as if he wasn't present, but somewhere else. Somewhere – Kojuro determined – where he felt more free._

"_You know, Kojuro." The One-Eyed Dragon spoke at last, turning that gaze to his faithful vassal. "You know that I love you. And there's something about tonight that just feels… perfect. Like we might not ever have this moment again, if I don't take it now." Such an honest, flustered declaration left a pink hue amidst Masamune's **manly** features.  
><em>

_Kojuro braced himself when Masamune reached out his hand. Though strong and calloused from swordplay, the hand felt surprisingly soft, gentle, and sweet underneath Kojuro's rough skin._

_Without heed or warning, the **seductive** Masamune drew himself nearer to Kojuro, nestling into his strong arms. "Kojuro. For tonight, I want us to be equals. All right?" His commanding voice reduced to a whisper, readying for a long-overdue kiss.  
><em>

_Now with the victim in his grasp, the **sexy** Masamune then proceeded to  
><em>

"Lord Masamune, what are you doing up so late?"

Little did Masamune realize he had an audience. Leaping practically three inches from his seat, he turned to see Kojuro leaning into his work. "Damn, you found me out. I'm writing."

"What kind of writing are you…" A second glance was hardly needed by Kojuro Katakura. "Oh. Fanfiction."

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><p><em>Yeah, I know. ANOTHER Masamune x Kojuro... I just can't help myself; I choose favorites.<em>

_And yes; I believe if Masamune wrote fanfiction about himself, he'd totally glorify himself. (Ha ha! I love Masamune!)  
><em>


	10. Incident 10

"Hey, Keiji. I have a question." The bold Yukimura approached Keiji, bearing a single sheet of paper, waving in his hand. "I want to try something different."

"Different?" Formerly lazing on the deck - tolerating the hot, humid summer day - Keiji straightened himself up before speaking with the boy, "And what can I help you with, young cub?"

"Well, I found this in a book at Masamune's house. I think it was Kojuro's book, actually. But anyway, would you be willing to help me with this…?"

Keiji took the paper in his hands, carefully noting the illustration on the sheet of paper. At first, the man felt a little stunned that the boy was reading such material. But when he noticed Yukimura's intense will to be taught, he couldn't refuse the honest plea. "Considering this is a two-person thing, sure; I'll help you out."

Yukimura watched as Keiji strode back towards the house, winking as he spoke, "This calls for a _different location_. I'll let you use the stuff I've got, too."

The man and boy migrated from one place to the next; finding a place more suitable for the task at hand. And thus the lessons began.

Preparations progressed smoothly. However, the first step of getting started left Keiji-sensei feeling less than satisfied. He had given simple orders to Yukimura, and watched his student anxiously, but…

"Be careful with it." Failing to keep his mouth shut, Keiji warned the boy, who continued regardless with more aggravated gusto. "The goal's not to break it or let it spill before-"

A sudden, jerky movement startled Yukimura, letting go of what belonged to Keiji. "Ah! It's-"

"Ah-ah, hold on. Allow me." As the teacher demonstrated, the student observed.

Such grace and skill amazed Yukimura. _He must've had a lot of practice. I wonder who taught him…?_

Finishing his work, Keiji announced, "All right, your turn."

"All… righty…" _Let me try and match exactly what he did… Shoot._ "Ah! Oh, no! I wasted another one of your eggs, Keiji, I'm sorry! Argh, I can't break this egg open without getting shells in the bowl! I think I got some on your kitchen floor, too, I'm so sorry…"

"It's okay, young cub. It's okay." The honest and patient Keiji stated, "It's a delicate situation. Let me do it this time, and I'll let you the next. Okay?"

Yukimura's sadness did a 360 flip and energy returned in full-force. The boy took another look at his (Masamune's? Kojuro's?) recipe, and shouted, "Okay! Perfect French Toast, here I come!"


End file.
